It startled me when I realized I didn’t know the names of his two sisters, even though it only *feels* as if I’ve known him a long time. We’ve been dating for less than three months, so it shouldn’t be surprising to me that there is so much more to learn about my boyfriend, even important stuff such as the names of his sisters or his favorite episode of The Twilight Zone. What I do find surprising is my more relaxed approach for getting to know him. When I was in my teens and 20s, I wanted to find out everything about a boyfriend, as fast as possible–as if I were pulling an all-nighter to cram for a make-or-break interview with an incredulous hardcore immigration official, who--skeptical of my professed love--would rigorously question me to measure the breadth and depth of my knowledge of my boyfriend. As if my love were provable because I could correctly name his favorite class in high school or the name of his childhood pet raccoon.
Instead of trying to learn everything about my boyfriend all at once, I now prefer to learn about Frenchy little by little, as we share stories about our lives organically, when the context is right. For me, the difference is as dramatic as the difference between reading an exciting thriller I can’t put down until finishing the last sentence on the last page, and slowly enjoying a classic novel for the first time. It’s as if I’ve just started reading a wonderful life-changing book, savoring each paragraph I read, and hoping I never reach the end.
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