Dating Like a Man

I have never been a fan of that odious game "Twister." Oh sure, it's fun to watch your friends contort themselves into hard-to-hold poses, but it's tedious to be a participant. I don't want to brag, but I'm *naturally* awkward. I don't need an artificial method of inducing it, since I've got that all covered by myself. And though it's quite easy to steer clear of "Twister" the game, it's not so easy to avoid the Twister-like contortion that happens in the initial stages of dating. Getting to know someone and letting someone get to know you through dating can feel as awkward and forced as a game of Twister.

I've been dating my boyfriend for eight months now. Since we only see each other once a week, it's taken longer than usual to feel comfortable being the real me -- to shed the persona of always being "on," always being the best version of myself. It's finally come to that stage of me being comfortable in my own skin, warts and all, with him. The other reason it's taken so long for me to shake my tentative feelings is that he's 36 -- 15 years younger than me. Although I don't feel that age gap with him as I would with most other guys that much younger, I've been wary of how that yawning chasm of time would impact our relationship. So far, the biggest effect is that I'm now dating like a man.

Many women date with the main objective of meeting Mr. All-My-Life. They won't date a guy who doesn't have at least the possibility, however small, of turning into a life partner. But many men are fine dating women without a serious thought about whether she's "marriage material" or not. They just date someone they're attracted to and with whom they enjoy spending time. That's the way many men date until they decide it's time to settle down. Before they reach that point, many men are just dating for the fun of it. They don't think 'Is this going anywhere?' They think about *this* date or the *next* date -- at most. It's a way of dating that's very present, very in the moment -- dare I say it? -- very zen. 

And that's what I'm doing now. Since my boyfriend is so much younger than me, he's not going to end up being my life partner. That clarity, while blunt, is also freeing. It allows me to concentrate on the here and now, and let go of the useless speculation of "What might be." Instead of obsessing over whether this one will turn out to be "The One," I appreciate the time we spend together on its own merits. Surprisingly, eliminating the expectation of future "more" allows me to experience more in the present.