Putting Myself in Their Shoes

I do not think of myself as the stereotypical shoe-obsessed female. I favor comfort over style (always). I do not own any shoes more than three inches in height. Call me overly practical, but I think shoes should be an aid to ambulation, not an obstacle. Naturally, I do not own a pair of Louboutins or Manolo Blahniks, the iconic high-fashion brand of shoe over which Sex and the City's Carrie waxed rhapsodic. In fact, I would be perfectly content to wear the same pair of comfortable black heels to work every day. Suffice to say, if I were the daughter of Imelda Marcos, I would be a huge disappointment to her.

So, it surprised me to discover that I own 41 pairs of shoes. I counted. I don’t know how that could have happened, but over the years, I’ve accumulated 41 pairs of shoes that I use on occasion (summer sandals, winter boots, hiking shoes, swimming shoes, work heels, special occasion heels, swing dancing shoes, riding boots, casual shoes, and running shoes). Some, more; many others, less. Some of these shoes I bought for a particular reason, while others were the result of being a cute pair of shoes on sale that I purchased on impulse. I didn’t need them, nor would I have bought them at full price, but the opportunity was there and I took it.

Men seem to have this same casual attitude about sex. Not all men, of course. Just most -- at least at some point in their lives. Young men often have this "if the opportunity presents itself, take it" attitude about sex. They’re not looking for a wife, or even, a girlfriend. It’s just sex. And many men just out of a long-term relationship have this casual mindset too.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not comparing the fabulous epic goddesses that we women are to something as mundane as shoes. No, no, no! I’m comparing men’s occasionally casual approach to dating to my casual approach to footwear. When I bought those cute pink suede clogs on sale, I wasn’t buying them as if they would be my *only* pair of shoes that I’d want to wear every day for the rest of my life. I bought them on a whim, because the opportunity was there and I took it. And to date, I’ve worn them exactly three times. 

When I was looking for a serious relationship, it was helpful to me to finally realize this about men. (Well, duh…) Sometimes you’re just the pair of cheap pink suede clogs he bought instinctively, without much thought as to how you’d fit into his daily life. That’s not a rejection of you as a potential girlfriend or as a person. It’s really a reflection of Mr. Casual’s mindset. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, it would behoove you to avoid the guy whose approach to dating is as casual as my relationship to shoes. He may pursue you until you say yes, but after he sleeps with you, he’ll shove you in the back of his closet like a pair of ill-considered pink suede clogs bought for $20.