The Awkweirdness of DAD

"If anything ever happened to [my husband], I would have to date the UPS man--someone who came to my door," said my childhood friend thinking about the "unthinkable" prospect of trying to date again in the middle of middle age. I laughed, recognizing my own similar reaction right after my marriage imploded. The idea of going out into the world to actively look for someone to date who might turn out to be "for keeps," seemed as unlikely and overwhelming a prospect as the idea that any of those Kardashian princesses would be able to remain married to the same guy for any significant length of time. My house plants have lasted longer than their relationships.

Dating again after the Rumpelstiltskin nap of a long marriage is "awkweird," both awkward and weird at the same time. Humbling as well. After decades of believing my dating days were over and behind me, it's been surreal to jump in again. I am struck by the similarity of my experience to the blind man who, after years of living without the use of his eyes, miraculously gets his sight back. While the benefits of regaining one's sight are obvious to those of us who see, the transition to using your eyes to help navigate the world is almost always not smooth. Apparently, you have to retrain your brain to incorporate the data you receive from your eyes with the data from your other senses. It takes time and patience to readjust to your new reality.

And so it is with DAD (dating after divorce). As you learn to navigate the world of dating again, the real trick is not understanding the external changes in the dating scene. It's recognizing how *you've* changed, how your marriage changed you. Like the once-blind person struggling to make sense of the visual static in his brain, I work at recognizing my emotional static and deciphering what it really means.