Back on it. After a 15-month hiatus, I have come back to online dating -- the sledgehammer of romance -- to find true love. Hope I don't get bludgeoned too much. Instead of posting a long earnest profile that tries so hard to reflect the real me, I wrote a brief, very sarcastic one and posted a couple cute photos. My opening lines skewer two common cliches found in many female dating profiles. And I make fun of the profile question, 'What are the six things you couldn't live without' by posting six things that no longer exist, such as new episodes of Dynasty. This time around, 80% of the guys who send me messages don't understand my sarcasm or my digs at dating-profile cliches, but the other 20% are hilarious guys who do. Score!
Turns out funny guys like sassy women with a sarcastic edge. But it's also what seems to attract super confident guys who just want to get laid. That guy will send me a short, funny, flirty message. If I respond, he'll soon escalate the flirtation with some questions about what I'm wearing or what I like in a man. He's as subtle as a Katy Perry song, and just as eye rolling.
If I keep replying to his messages, even in an intentionally vague way, the flirtation will quickly advance to propositions to sleep with him. When I explain that I'm not looking for a hookup, that in fact I'm *only* looking for an intimate relationship that builds slowly, he tries to flatter me into sleeping with him. But my vanity is immune to the flattery, because sex with someone you don't really know well is awkward and feels emotionally hollow. Sex without that intimate emotional connection built over time is the equivalent of grocery-store sushi. Why bother? It's so unsatisfying compared to the real sublime thing.
When I flatly turn him down with the explanation that I don't want to have sex with a stranger, no matter how hot or funny, he responds with slight disbelief, like a dog tilting his head when he hears an unusual sound. Then I really confuse him by saying, "You just invited me over for shitty sushi. Who would ever want to eat shitty sushi? I don't."
The circus is back in town. Enjoy it while it lasts. I know I will.
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