Kind of an Asshole

The second time around on an online dating website, I find that my bullshit-o-meter goes off all the time, like a metal detector at a NRA convention. I now know how some men use online dating websites like a giant drag net to dredge up anyone for a possible fling or date.

A typical example is a guy my age who sent me what on the surface is a lovely message.

HIM:  Beautiful, striking, sexy, sassy and I sense completely grounded in strength, soul, and intellect! I would love for us to explore our chemistry together and see where it leads us. Your thoughts?

I smelled bullshit as soon as I read it. My profile is more sarcastic than a mean girl on the defensive in a high school cafeteria. There is nothing in it that would suggest what he wrote. So I pressed him for evidence of this.

ME: Thank you! What an awesome compliment! Just curious about what exactly in my profile leads you to believe I'm "completely grounded in strength, soul, and intellect?" I'm not saying those things aren't true, I just don't see those things in my profile.

HIM: 100% vibe! Vibes speak volumes to me....very organic....very primal.

I checked out his profile, which turned out to be a long, very particular list of requirements he has about the women he likes to date. He posted almost nothing about himself. I bet he has this one golden message -- this one trick pony -- that he sends out to hundreds of women who catch his eye, each thinking he alone can see her soul and was so moved to write this special unique message just for her.

But I think this whole "vibe" business is his way of cutting to the chase, dispensing with all the pre-date emails that he considers a waste of his time. He's one of those ill mannered guys for whom the only real question about a potential date is, 'Do I find you f*ckable?'

HIM: What are your thoughts?

ME: I think your vibramator is a little off. I'm kind of an asshole.