Another Reason Why There's Already a Reserved Seat for Me in Hell

Recently a perfectly nice guy -- whose only fault seems to be that he lives 35 miles away and is therefore "geographically undesirable" -- sent me a brief message through the online dating website. When I checked out his profile, I noticed one of his photos showed him wearing a police uniform with the caption 'What I wear to work every day.' And he was built, so I decided to tease him a little bit.

ME: Just wondering if you're a cop or a male stripper pretending to be a cop? I have extreme reactions to both. One is very good; the other, not so much. 

MALE STRIPPER COP: Which one is good, and which one isn't?

ME: I would be amused, and slightly horrified, if you were a male stripper dressed as a cop. I think law enforcement officers are great. So, I guess this means goodbye. I just can't date a male stripper -- no matter how hot!

MALE STRIPPER COP: Lol. I'm not a male stripper. I'm a police officer. What makes you think I'm a stripper?

ME: Cops aren't built like you! Male strippers are though. Do you dance at a club or do you specialize in bachelorette parties and baby showers?

COP WHO LOOKS LIKE A MALE STRIPPER BUT CLAIMS HE ISN'T:  Baby showers? Lol. I'm not a stripper. But thanks.

ME: Oh, c'mon. You expect me to believe that?! You don't have an ounce of donut-flab on you! And that uniform is fake. I can see the velcro.

COP WHO LOOKS LIKE A MALE STRIPPER BUT CLAIMS HE ISN'T:  The uniform is legit. Seriously, I really am a police officer.

ME: Hahaha. You'll have to "arrest" me, Officer Hottie. Please! Please! I've been bad.

COP WHO LOOKS LIKE A MALE STRIPPER BUT CLAIMS HE ISN'T: I don't know what to tell you. I'm not a stripper. I just like to work out.  

ME: How do you get all that money home -- since it all comes in $1 bills? Do you stuff it all in a backpack or do you have to use something larger like a wheel barrow?

COP WHO LOOKS LIKE A MALE STRIPPER BUT CLAIMS HE ISN'T: Goodbye.